Notice

I have to be quite, mother is sleeping

The antagonizing wrestle of the bristles encompassing my mind

As I brush my teeth

As I sit in the tub with the curtain closed behind the bathroom door.

This is the safe space

Yet my stomach hurts and makes noises that make me afraid. 

 

I have to be quite, mother is sleeping
 

To Notice

 

The lack of bounce from hard wood floors,

Amplifying the pressure from my heals as I tip toe

Across the dining room to finally quench my thirst

Feeling the resonance up my legs to my empty gut.

 

I have to be quite, mother is sleeping

 

To notice

 

The mythological scratch off the graphite on paper

Keep the movements small to not create a disturbance

Connecting lines until they make something familiar

Feeling the vibrations from my fingertips, up my arm and into my right ear

Wondering if she can hear.

 

I have to be quite, mother is sleeping
 

To notice

 

The chinckeling of the hallow wood from carefully picking up the fallen pencils,

Collecting the color to share a silent smile.

 

I have to be quite, mother is sleeping
 

Noticing

 

Working with one pencil creates less disturbance

Hearing the large thuds from across the hall

Each Step growing stronger,

Quickly jumping in my bed and hiding under the covers

The universal force field for any child in fear

From the impending doom that was to come

 

How many hours without TV?

How many hours continuing to sit in silence, alone?

How many hours afraid to eat breakfast or to pour myself water?

How many more days confined to my room?

How many more days to quietly attempted drawing this flower?

How many more days in isolation till I learn my lesson?

 

I have to be quite, mother is sleeping

 

NOW

To Notice

Closing the kitchen cabinet in slow motion

Keeping the goal to not disturb a speck of dust.

Pouring the milk before the cereal

Separating the screeching chorus wheat, sugar, and porcelain

Only going up or down the stairs,

For food, for water, a different window to stare out of

Never both in the same trip.

Wishing that there was another door to close

Hoping to muffle the sound

The bedroom, the bathroom, the shower curtain, the closet. 

Turning the baby sitter down to volume 5,

For a few hours, and peace of mind. 

 

I have to be quite, mother is sleeping